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Jerry Baum's Living Room

A Place to Gather, Discuss, and Listen - You're Welcome Anytime
December 16

Steeler Football

Can’t take credit for this, but thought it good enough to pass along:

The Pittsburgh Steeler football season passed away unexpectedly Thursday night, December 10th. It is survived by 6 siblings: 1974, 1975, 1978, 1979, 2005, and 2008. A memorial service will be held each Sunday for the next 3 weeks. In lieu of flowers please send an offensive lineman that can actually block someone, a corner that can actually guard someone, and an offensive coordinator that wont go 5 wide/shot gun/ empty backfield on 3rd and 1   R.I.P.

November 23

Kids are Still Saying the Darndest Things

Michael got me twice on Saturday and thought I'd share:

1) Karen was out of town so I took the kids down to Eat 'n Park for lunch.  As we walked in, there was an Amish family sitting at one of the tables having lunch.   Wanting to display what he learned in school, Michael exclaims loudly, "Daddy, what are those pilgrims doing eating here?"

2) After lunch we want to my parent's house for to celebrate my Mom's birthday.   For her birthday I got her a digital picture frame and had pulled it out several times, converting pictures and loading them so that she would have photos of her kids and grandkids on it when she fired it up.   When she opened her picture frame Michael asked, "Do you like it Nana?"

Mom replied, "Very much Michael"

To which Michael retorted, "Good, because we tried it out first and decided to give it to you!".

Those kids just say the darndest things.
August 07

An Open Letter to All Employees - Love, The IT Department

When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.

Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from our video recording.

When an IT person says s/he's coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to remember 300 login passwords.

When IT Support sends you an e-mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing.

When an IT person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your problems right out. We don't even like eating food, we exist only to serve.

Send urgent e-mail all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.

When we do something as a favor in our own time at our own expense, feel free to criticize us.

That's OK, we don't expect you to lift anything or get under your desk. Manual labor was part of our IT degree.

When the photocopier doesn't work, call Computer Support. There's electronics in it.

When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call Computer Support. We can fix your telephone line from here.

When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an IT person's chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a challenge.

When an IT person tells you that computer screens don't have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.

When an IT person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?" That motivates us.

When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.

Don't learn the proper name for anything technical. We know exactly what is meant by "my thingy blew up".

When you call someone in to fix a problem - but don't tell them about the other 10 problems until they physically arrive. That's OK - we can clear our schedule for the rest of the day.

Don't use on-line help. On-line help is for wimps.

When your application can't do what you want... blame us, we write all the software that runs on your PC and can customize it on the fly. Bill Gates lets us do this.

Remember the IT guy doesn't need to think - he has seen every problem before.

If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were designed to have 20 kg of computer sitting on top of them.

If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the mail/software/network upgrade. Keyboards are actually very happy with half a pound of muffin crumbs and nail clippings in them.

When you find an IT person on the phone, sit uninvited on the corner of their desk and stare at them until they hang up.

Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know nothing about that computer crap." We don't mind at all hearing our area of professional expertise referred to as crap.

When you need to change the toner cartridge in a printer, call IT Support. Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task, and Hewlett-Packard recommends that it be performed only by a professional engineer with a Master's degree in nuclear physics.

When you think the network/e-mail/office application is going slow, call us as we have a button to press that makes it go back to it's normal speed.

When something's the matter with your computer, ask your secretary to call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a third party who doesn't know about the problem.

The instant you call us (on our mobile) - we can see what's happening on your screen and can solve it instantaneously.

Be aware that IT people don't need to use the toilet. So you have a right to be upset if we don't answer the phone.

When you receive a 30MB movie file, send it to everyone as a mail attachment. We've got lots of disk space on that mail server.

When an IT person gets in the lift pushing ?100,000 worth of computer equipment on a trolley, ask in a very loud voice, "Good grief, you take the lift to go DOWN one floor?"

And finally, always remember.... we were sitting there waiting for your call.. The whole day!!!

Love,

The IT Department

July 24

The Ant.... A Fable

This was so good that I had to pass it on.....
 
****************************************************************************
 
Every day, a small ant arrives at work very early and starts work immediately. She produces a lot and she was happy. The Chief, a lion, was surprised to see that the ant was working without supervision. He thought if the ant can produce so much without supervision, wouldn't she produce even more if she had a supervisor!
So he recruited a cockroach who had extensive experience as supervisor and who was famous for writing excellent reports. The cockroach's first decision was to set up a clocking in attendance system. He also needed a secretary to help him write and type his reports and ... he recruited a spider, who managed the archives and monitored all phone calls.
The lion was delighted with the cockroach's reports and asked him to produce graphs to describe production rates and to analyze trends, so that he could use them for presentations at board meetings. So the cockroach had to buy a new computer and a laser printer and ...... recruited a fly to manage the IT department. The ant, who had once been so productive and relaxed, hated this new plethora of paperwork and meetings which used up most of her time!  The lion came to the conclusion that it was high time to nominate a person in charge of the department where the ant worked. The position was given to the cicada, whose first decision was to buy a carpet and an ergonomic chair for his office.
 
The new person in charge, the cicada, also needed a computer and a personal assistant ,who he brought from his previous department, to help him prepare a Work and Budget Control Strategic Optimization Plan.
 
The Department where the ant works is now a sad place, where nobody laughs anymore and everybody has become upset...It was at that time that the cicada convinced the boss , the lion, of the absolute necessity to start a climatic study of the environment.
 
Having reviewed the charges for running the ant's department , the lion found out that the production was much less than before; so he recruited the owl , a prestigious and renowned consultant to carry out an audit and suggest solutions.
 
The owl spent three months in the department and came up with an enormous report , in several volumes,
that concluded :  " The department is overstaffed ..."
Guess who the lion fires first?
The ant , of course, because she "showed lack of motivation and had a negative attitude".
NB: The characters in this fable are fictitious; any resemblance to real people or facts within the Corporation is pure coincidence
The End
May 20

Why I Love T-Ball

Working with 4, 5 & 6 year olds is just a blast.

I was coaching 1st base and one of my players was on first after his hit.  Michael was at the plate and I called out, “C’Mon Chief!”

My runner looked at me and said, “Why do you call him Chief when his name is Michael?”

I replied, “Because that’s his nickname.   Doesn’t your dad have a nickname for you?”

He thought for a second and said, “Yeah….. Meat-Head.”

 
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Photo 1 of 18

Jerry Baum

Occupation
Location
Interests
I grew up along the Allegheny River in a small town called Foxburg in Western Pennsylvania where I graduated from ACV High School in 1989.

I obtained a B.A. in Communication from Penn State - Behrend where I was a brother in the Delta Chi fraternity. After graduation I wrote contracts and managed projects for a waste coal reclamation firm in Emlenton, PA for 7 years following a brief stint in radio.

I then returned to school and graduated from Pittsburgh Technical Institute with an A+ PC Repair Certification and the title of Microsoft Certified Systems Engineer, (MSCE). This lead to a 2-year stint at Gateway computers fixing PCs and then to my current job at Wheatland Tube Company in Sharon, PA as a PC Technician & Network Administrator.

In my spare time I enjoy hanging with my family and picking up the guitar. After 11 years playing professionally (in addition to the full-time jobs) I was burned-out on music, but still enjoy it as a hobby.

That's me in the proverbial AcousticNut-shell.